Vatican Nuns on Strike in Support of U.S. Nuns

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Sunday, 27 May 2012

image for Vatican Nuns on Strike in Support of U.S. Nuns
Off to the picket line!

Sister solidarity? You betcha!

Italian nuns, appalled by the stern rebuke against a leadership group of American nuns issued by the Vatican a few weeks ago, have taken action. Last week they declared themselves on strike, refusing to cook, clean, and do laundry for the Pope and Cardinals in the Vatican. "Let them eat cake -- and do their own laundry," one disgusted nun muttered.

The Pope and six Cardinals were spotted dining at a local Burger King yesterday. A reporter sitting nearby listened in on their conversation. "Mostly they just whined to each other," according to the reporter. She heard one Cardinal complain to his colleagues, "You wouldn't believe the conditions I'm living in. Dust bunnies under the bed, no food in the fridge, and now I'm running out of clean clothes. My beanies are rumpled and dirty and no one cares. It's an outrage." Another Cardinal pointed to his sacred ring and announced: "There's no one to polish it. It's sticky with the saliva of the hundreds of folks bowing down and kissing it in the last few days. Disgusting!"

The Pope said he had been able to seek a solution to his laundry dilemma by visiting a laundromat the day before. He reported, "I don't know the difference between a washer and dryer; and as for sorting the whites from the colors, well, it's just not my thing." But he went on to say that some Catholic ladies, fellow patrons at the laundromat, helped him through the process. "And they were delighted with the special cleansing blessing I gave them at the end of the dry cycle," the Pontiff said with a sly smile.

With much more time on their hands, word is that nuns are watching a host of DVDs. "Nuns on the Run" with Robbie Coltrane and Eric Idle is reportedly a favorite. As is "The Nun's Story" with Audrey Hepburn and Peter Finch. But Sr. Mary Carmela, 89, likes a different kind of entertainment. The Rambo movies are more her style. "I can't help it, I just love the kick-ass style of Sylvester Stallone," Sister was quoted as saying.

Meanwhile, there's a rumor that the Pontiff may be ready to issue a mea culpa to that leadership group of Sisters in the U.S., so that Vatican service for himself and his Cardinals will revert back to normal. "After all," the Pope said to Vatican clergy, "we now have a new target to admonish -- Girl Scouts. And that should keep us much too busy to cook or clean."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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