United Nations: 'Holy ayatollah, forget about AK47s - the Iranians are well on their way to the H-Bomb'

Funny story written by DB Madd

Monday, 14 November 2011

image for United Nations: 'Holy ayatollah, forget about AK47s - the Iranians are well on their way to the H-Bomb'

It has only been a week since the International Atomic Energy Agency report handed down a damning commentary on Iran's nuclear activities. In an excerpt from the report, the United Nations highlighted the progression of Iran's nuclear activity in the following statement:
'Holy ayatollah, forget about AK47s - the Iranians are well on their way to the H-Bomb'.

With the middle-east being on the outbreak of war at the best of times, these new findings have fanned the already smouldering relations between Iran and Israel.

President of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, has condemned Iran and its nuclear activities. Calling for international intervention, from an address in Tel Aviv, Mr. Netanyahu has encouraged the United Nations to sanction Iran:

'seriously guys (aka world leaders) - you don't know the crap that we have to put up with over here. When things are improving with Palestine, we have some other bad ass leader trying to blow the sh*t out of us and destabilise the middle-east. Having a rogue North Korea is bad enough and it won't be long before we have the Arab equivalent of Kim Jong Il. Let's take the chance to economically cripple Iran before it's too late because we ain't gonna take this crap'

The United States, having experience from being the only country to use a nuclear weapon in combat (twice), has taken the high ground and called for calm.

Undeniably aware that Israel will lead attacks and a possible invasion of Iran, President Barack Obama has requested that Israel makes the US aware of any pre-emptive strike. In a statement, much similar to the one that Hans Blix delivered in Team America: World Police (2004), Mr Obama expressed his dissatisfaction with Israel's defiance of sharing information:

'I call on Mr Netanyahu and the Israeli Government to be fully transparent in their dealings with Iran or else the United States will be very angry with you… and will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.'

In a blunt rebuttal, Mr Netanyahu commented 'It's time for someone to stick it to the man yada yada yada relax United States'

Iran has reinforced it's nuclear intentions stating that it:

'intends on enriching uranium for peaceful purposes such as power generation and attacking Israel... did we say attacking Israel? We only meant to say power generation'.

Negotiations continue and as a back up, Israel continues to test long range ballistic missiles capable of reaching Iranian territory just in case....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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