EU Lawmakers Plan Shoe Police

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Monday, 19 September 2011

image for EU Lawmakers Plan Shoe Police
Careful how you wear them.

Proposed new European Union regulations could see an increased police presence in some of the great tourist centres.

The new law enforcement officials will be tasked with monitoring the footwear of visitors and residents alike and issuing on-the-spot fines.

EU Commissioner Miguel de Concha Y Toro explained: "Residents and officials in tourist centres throughout the Union have become increasingly frustrated by the complete lack of respect shown to their homes in the choices people make in the footwear department.

"A common complaint is of the northern European gentleman - and I use the term loosely - parading along La Croisette or the Corso Italia in gaudy shorts below which are black or grey workaday socks coupled with everyday shoes - a brogue or a city slip-on, for example. The white training shoe with worsted socks...

"Or the young ladies out for the evening in white shoes with black tights. Or Ugg boots at any time. These crimes are insupportable and must be stamped out."

Sr de Concha Y Toro added that socks with sandals was likely to be a proscribed combination. Complete guidelines will be published in time for next summer.

"People who flout the new rules will face on-the-spot fines and persistent offenders could face more severe penalties."

Minor opposition to the regulations is expected.

A spokesperson for the UK Independence Party said: "This is just typical of the increasing diminution of our rights by Eurocrats.

"Surely it's every Englishman's right - or German's or Swede's for that matter - to walk along a seafront looking like an absolute twat. They'll be banning displays of naked, tattooed beer bellies and Union Flag shorts next."

Said Sr de Concha Y Toro: "That is, indeed, being considered."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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