Study Proves Leaders Tie Their Shoes

Funny story written by Ellie James

Saturday, 17 September 2011

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Dorothy was a known leader.

After four years of undergraduate studies at Harvard University, Gavin McCloud hypothesized that great leaders tie their shoes. For all four years as a psychology major he watched people tie their shoes.

"I knew I was on to something," said McCloud, 24, who is now completing his doctorate. "Everyone here either wears loafers, heels or tightly tied sneakers and we're all successful and are proven leaders."

Harvard funded the study after lengthy discussions and debates about whether shoe tying in general is the key, or if it was Harvard. While many successful people who graduated from Harvard were known shoe tiers and loafer wearers, there are also several Harvard dropouts, the most famous ones being Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Matt Damon, who are very successful. Therefore it was decided that shoe tying was the common factor as all three of those highly successful college dropouts did indeed keep their shoes tied.

In looking through the data, one can conclude that, time and again, successful leaders tie their shoes or just wear loafers as evident by the interview of Jake Gonzales of Austin, Texas. Gonzales is a great father, a college professor who can keep his students awake and a band manager of a successful group of musicians who also keep their shoes tied, or just wear boots. Gonzales stated in the study that he just wore loafers all the time to ensure that he's always a great leader. It's also why he buys his son shoes that Velcro. "I want my son to grow up to be a great leader, too," he stated.

The hypothesis developed by McCloud can also be proven in the newsroom of The Spoof. Looking around, all reporters seem to have their shoes tied. Says IainB, head reviewer of all gadgets, "Leaders tie their shoes, but great leaders eschew their ties." Just as Iain made the comment though, Editor Mark Lowtan walked by and tripped. His shoes had become untied. 'Damn pigtails," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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