Roseanne Barr Hints That She May Enter The Presidential Race

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 11 August 2011


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Roseanne Barr may join Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Jan Brewer in the GOP race.

HONOLULU, Hawaii - When Roseanne Barr left the hustle and bustle of Tinsel Town and moved to Honolulu she had no idea that she would become the successful macadamia nut farmer that she has become.

The 58-year-old Barr and her longtime boyfriend Johnny Argent and her son Jake (from Tom Arnold) are doing great living like a modern day Robinson Crusoe Family while filming their reality show Roseanne's Nuts.

Roseanne says that they hunt for their food and they grow their own salads and deserts.

She noted that they have a milk cow that gives them 2 percent milk and they make their own tea from tea leaves that they grow from tea seeds.

Roseanne proudly boasted that the love of her life Johnny is very handy and he actually made their refrigerator, their washing machine, and their big screen television using only coconut shells, palm trees, masking tape, hula skirts, and an old discarded go-cart.

Barr was recently interviewed by Moltenberry Babineaux of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle about the rumor that she may be entering the presidential race.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I know for a fact that Barr did drop a hint to her close friend Lady Gaga that she is seriously thinking about entering the GOP presidential race so that she can kick Sarah Palin, Michele Backmann, and Jan Brewer's sissy girl butts.]

Babineaux spoke with Roseanne Barr at her 40 acre macadamia nut farm located just outside of Honolulu. He mentioned that she appeared to have lost some weight since the last time he had seen her.

Roseanne giggled. She stood up and turned around and remarked, "No Babs, I didn't lose it, its all ended up on my humongous ass you silly twit."

Barr started laughing and asked Babineaux, if a girl jellyfish has three vagina's. He replied that he had no earthly idea. She gave him the once over and remarked, "I didn't think so you sappy looking little wimp, a girl jellyfish only has one vagina, a female jamfish however has three vagina's."

A puzzled Babineaux told her that he had never heard of a jamfish. Barr started laughing and quipped, "Of course you haven't Sherlock, that's because they are so embarrassed at having three friggin vagina's that they never wander far from their jamfish cave located at the bottom of the effin ocean you bozo."

Babineaux told her that she was one sick puppy. Roseanne started laughing and said "Bow-wow, now go get me some Pepto Bismol bitch!"

In a related story. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Roseanne's former TV husband, John Goodman now weighs 509 pounds and subsides on a daily diet of two Butterball turkeys and a six pack of Bud Light.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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