San Francisco Offers Sanctuary, Sex Change, & Security to Hounded Diva Casey Anthony!

Funny story written by Morse

Friday, 15 July 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for San Francisco Offers Sanctuary, Sex Change, & Security to Hounded Diva Casey Anthony!
Casey Anthony Says She Ready to "start over", this time as a 'good' Dad!

Girl on the run Casey Anthony, who skated from her murder conviction involving her two year old daughter due to a prosecutorial miscalculation over evidence, is now considering all her options for a new life.

Public outrage over her acquittal has been so intense, jurors and her parents have been targeted with death threats, the government has now been tasked with finding her a safe haven along with paying off the millions of dollars misspent on her failed prosecution.

Attorney General Eric Holder has been tasked with leaning on all the the country's Sanctuary Cities, threatening them with curtailed federal funds unless one of them comes up with a plan to feed, clothe, house, and provide a stipend and health care for the
devious diva party girl.

According to insiders in the Justice Department, Massachusetts governor Patrick "Cadillac" Deval drew a waiver, apparently directly from the President, as he already has paid his dues for providing perpetual care for Obama's Auntie Zulu, living high off the taxpayer's dime after being ordered deported at least 4 times, and escaping deportation after miraculously being granted immunity by an Irish Judge who may or may not be linked to Whitey Bulger.

According to the spokesman for the cadre of government appointed lawyers for Anthony, San Francisco seems to be the most likely new squat for the now childless mother due to its' liberal agenda.

A recent bill in the city is proposing special laws for released felons granting them full citizen status and shielding them from revealing their previous violent history when it comes to applying for a job, rental apartments, and probably for applying for a gun permit.

A spokesman for the non profit group representing Anthony, Casey Anthony Inc, LLC, said it would be almost impossible for his client to live in anonymity unless she completely changed her physical characteristics.

Anthony is said to have ruled out plastic surgery, but is now said to be "ok" with a sex change offered by the San Francisco Clinic "Clip, Snip and Clit" which to date has successfully performed over 1123 such operations funded by the the Democrat National Committee, (DNR), and hailed by former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, herself no stranger to acting like she wished she had 'one.'

The final stumbling block, according to city officials, is negotiating with Anthony to provide in-vitro fertilization allowing her to have a least one set of septuplets prior to the life changing operation.

Another alternative being considered is that Anthony could adopt at least of 4 of Nadia Suleman's 14 children, since Octomom has publicly declared she is "sick and tired of all these little bastards, " and has to resorted to locking herself in the bathroom on the can at least 6 hours a day to 'get some peace!"

A social service administrator, Stacey Havnoklue, said "that would be a win-win for both of them. Nadia is close to the breaking point and was recently discovered on line researching duct tape. Casey appears to be remorseful saying she was never cut out to be a mother, but she's ok with being a father because she wouldn't be expected to do so much around the house and it's accepted that a man can go out clubbing with his friends for all hours of the night.

When last seen Anthony, disguised as Justin Bieber, was seen looking at apartments in Pacific Heights that provided secure parking, and caught test driving a bright red 2011 Corvette from a local dealership after reportedly refusing a free 2011 GM Chevy Volt on behalf of the government.

According to a source close to the Justice (sic) Department, in responding to the offer, she said, "F***k that S**t, I just beat Ole Sparky in Florida, and you want to fry my ass in that
POS that I have to plug in at the risk of my life! Haven't you heard about double jeopardy?"

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more