Written by anthonyrosania

Thursday, 5 May 2011

image for People Who Can't Mind Their Own Damned Business Question Queen Latifah's Sexuality
What Queen Latifah's belly COULD look like, if she ever actually USED a personal trainer. I mean, you know, & stopped eating.

The interwebs are abuzz this evening, and fans are atwitter about the private f--king business of Queen Latifah, after she was photographed kissing her personal trainer, Jeanette Jenkins, on a yacht in France

"There have been rumours about Latifah being a lesbian for years," states self-proclaimed 'celebrity fag-hag' Kathy Griffin. "After being in the public eye for 25 years and never being linked to a boyfriend, people begin to wonder."

"Why should anyone even care?" retorted Keyport, NJ writer Anthony Rosania. "You know what my grandmother used to say? 'Your real grandfather was our Puerto-Rican mailman.' And then, after that, she'd say, 'Stay the f--k out of grown people's lives.' "

"There's a question about it?" said a blogger whose screen name is Captain_rugmunch. "Jesus, I thought everybody knew she was gay."

"I mean, come on, look at Latifah: She's built like (Baltimore Ravens Linebacker) Ray Lewis," continued the Captain. "What kind of a personal trainer wouldn't have been fired by now?"

"Listen, I wish we lived in a world where Queen Latifah could announce who and what she is," continued Rosania. "But we don't: Coming out as gay could impact the roles she's offered, impact her income."

"And until we change that, the Queen will have to have her butter-gutter cluttered behind closed doors."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
74 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more