Paris Hilton Slaps Google with $50 Million Lawsuit

Funny story written by Morgan Truce

Thursday, 29 September 2005

image for Paris Hilton Slaps Google with $50 Million Lawsuit

HOLLYWOOD (AP) Publicity-shy Paris Hilton has filed a $50 million lawsuit against the Google search engine. Lawyers for Paris Hilton are claiming that their client has been systematically deprived of income due to Google's practice of ignoring at least 90% of the search engine listings for Paris Hilton. "We can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Google is listing only 10% of the content and pictures of Ms. Hilton that is available on the Internet. We feel that Paris Hilton is entitled to have all the publicity she has been working so hard to get over the past few years."

Lead attorney Jackie Chiles, who gained notoriety for his brilliant legal maneuvers in Seinfeld et al vs. the State of New York, said, "Paris Hilton is simply a lovely, innocent young woman who has been taken advantage of by Google. I have spent many months carefully examining the various photographs of Paris Hilton that appear on Google Images and can only conclude that Google is hiding many thousands of even more revealing images of my innocent client."

Jackie Chiles examining every
scrap of evidence...

Mr. Chiles went on to say, "I did find a few videos of Paris Hilton which, I might add, I thoroughly enjoyed, but I am sure that Google is hiding even better videos of my client. Paris and I are getting together for dinner tonight and she has promised to show me some of the special videos she has made that do not appear in Google. I am looking forward to that. Oh, yes I am!"

At Google Headquarters, Larry Page made a brief statement about the Paris Hilton lawsuit. "We believe we have treated Ms. Hilton very fairly. Our web search engine is presently listing over 2.8 million web references to her. Google Images is showing over 21,000 pictures and we list over 2,000 news articles about Paris Hilton. Just how much publicity does this woman want? If this goes to court, Google will be able to show that we have listed every single reference to Paris Hilton that is on the web. We have certainly not singled her out for ignoring any content. As for Mr. Chiles -- we will destroy that two-bit ambulance chaser!"

Since the filing of the lawsuit, various web statistics indicate a huge increase in downloads of Paris Hiltons videos.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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