New Findings About Breast Feeding Babies

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Thursday, 10 February 2011


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Rochester MN: Pediatricians have stated that breast feeding of babies can be healthier than using baby formula. A new study indicates that sometimes physical trauma may be inadvertently caused by over-endowed mothers during feedings. Single births, twins and triplets were investigated with the following findings.

A single child may suffer physical trauma to the face or to the back of its head by being hit by the other "loose cannon" dependent on the feeding position.

Twins, if fed simultaneously would be relatively free of physical trauma unless they bump into each other. If twins are fed one at a time then the single child case would be applicable.

Triplets encompass the single child and twin's cases plus the possibility of latent physiological trauma, as one baby is always left out of any rotational feeding scheme. There is no inherent solution to this lack of mammary assets.

Skeptics point out that the study is flawed as "loose cannon" is in actuality a "baby pillow!" However, researchers on both sides of the issue believe further investigation is necessary.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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