"Put Guns in Prison, Not Psychopaths" Say Liberal Activists

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Saturday, 15 January 2011

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Democrat legislators consider Talk Radio as more dangerous than Surface-to-Air Missiles and Nukes.

SAN FRANCISCO - Immediately after the mass-murder of sane, law-abiding citizens in Tucson, Arizona, the Liberal US Media and numerous Left-leaning groups practically ignored the "accused suspect" as being the "Real Killer," and proceeded to blame EVERYONE that has publicly opposed Democrats and their Leftist agenda, as being "fully responsible" for all violent crime. Within hours, several Democrats promised legislation to keep America safe from Conservatives, Tea Party members, Anti-Communists, and "Tenthers" (who view the US Constitution as absolute law prohibiting government infringement on the rights of the people).

Annika Sverdlov, an Activist Lawyer from San Francisco, expressed the importance of protecting the rights of Psychopaths, and ending the unfair bias and discrimination against them.

Annika Sverdlov (ACLU): Mass-murders, lunatics, and psychopaths are just like you, your neighbor, or anyone in your family, but we haven't created enough safety regulations and laws for a peaceful society. Sadly, closed-minded people insist on prisons and institutionalized psychiatric facilities instead of more red-tape. It's completely unreasonable to blame an Arsonist, when outlawing matches and requiring 15-day waiting periods for the purchase of gasoline could make the so-called crime of Arson a matter of ancient history. If good, Progressive laws were passed, you could find yourself using the bathroom while a deranged "Jack-the-Ripper" stared at you from the shower, and smile in the comfort and knowledge that benevolent intellectual elites have created a perfect life for you.

In a special poll, Rasmussen Reports LLC was asked to compare the behavior of Jared Loughner (currently in jail on multiple homicide charges) with a general sample of the US population. For some, the statistical results may be surprising, and for many, the insights into society and the science of numbers will provide a better understanding of our world.

Scott Rasmussen (Political Analyst): The big surprise was seeing less than two-thirds of people were reported as crazy, moon-bat nut-jobs. It's practically an epic contradiction of Reality-TV, Soap-Operas, and political election results.

(excluding California and New York City)
Percentages indicate portion of population with interests or behavior similar to a total freakin' psycho.

  • below 1% - Enjoy performing Satanic Rites in backyard Human-Skull shrine.
  • below 1% - Believe World Peace is possible through Astrology-based Grammar.
  • below 1% - Channeled spirit of Giant Anaconda and Tried to Eat Neighbor Whole.
  • below 1% - Made Video "Revealing" that Schools Are a Front for Abductions by Space Aliens.
  • below 1% - Named in more than 30 "Public Disturbance" Reports at County Courthouse.
  • below 1% - Banned from a Community College after Multiple Threats to Students and Faculty.

In related news: Democrats were accused of politicizing the Memorial service for victims of the Arizona tragedy. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs dismissed the accusation as hyperbole, saying that many funerals provide attendees with free T-shirts featuring a catchy slogan, tips on raising funds for Democrat elections in 2012, and offers to attend a $500-a-plate dinner with President Obama.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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