Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

image for The Arkansas Mysterious Mystery: First Birds Crash To The Ground, Then Fish Drown, And Now Beavers Aren't Giving A Dam(n)!
An Arkansas beaver that is just sitting around not really giving a dam(n)! (Photo courtesy of Jerry Mathers).

LITTLE ROCK - People all over the country are sitting on front porches, backyard decks, and driveways and wondering what in the world did the state of Arkansas do to cause such a environmental upheaval as it is currently witnessing.

The Lieutenant Governor of the "Anvil-Looking" state Clyde "Bubbaface" Gritflicker told a reporter for Good Housekeeping magazine that he has never seen anything like it.

Gritflicker said that he grew up in a one-bedroom trailer house with his mom, dad, three brothers, and four sisters and he does not remember ever seeing anything as weird as birds falling out of the sky, fish jumping out of the water onto the shore, and beavers just sitting around on their spiny asses just not giving a damn.

"Bubbaface" who last summer made national news when he dated Kourtney Kardashian, of the Hollywood big-butted Kardashian sisters, suggested that what may have happened is that some Louisiana bayous voodoo woman may have put a curse on his state.

The lieutenant governor pointed out that for as long as he can remember there has always been a type of civilized feud between Arkansas and Louisiana.

He mentioned that it probably goes back to November of 1962, when a group of Ku Klux Klansmen from Shreveport, Louisiana crossed the state border and arrested the five starters of the Arkadelphia Jr. College Fighting Pickers basketball team.

Ever since that incident relations between the two states have been just a might bit strained as Louisiana stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree would say.

SIDENOTE: The state of Arkansas has enlisted the services of bird, fish, and beaver expert Dr. Thibodeaux Pierre St. Thibodeaux of Cornbread College in Fayetteville to look into the matter. Since the good doctor charges by the hour ($75 an hour) he has been asked by the state if he can look into the matter in a quick manner.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Fish, Birds, Arkansas, Beaver

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