Operation American Poutine - Wikileaked Memo Uncovers Infiltration of the U.S Media by Agents of Canada

Funny story written by NWNewsmash

Monday, 13 December 2010

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Paying the way for a new British invastion?

The latest Wikileaks posting reveals infiltration of the U.S. broadcast media by Canadian operatives acting as agents of Great Britain. Leaked memos indicate that operatives were discovered through Operation American Poutine - a Department of Justice-approved Media Profiling Process (MPP) approved in 2004 George H.W. Bush. Canadian operatives identified in the memo include Glenn Beck, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent, and Ann Coulter.

Administration responses to the memo, which were also leaked, indicate shock and disbelief by senior administration officials despite the memo's reliance on CIA intelligence and analysis by Senior CIA Analyst O.D. Ebby. The leaked documents lists each MPP factor followed by a brief statement regarding Mr. Ebby's analysis:

Frequent criticism of the U.S. government: "Apparently, these operatives are determined to undermine the U.S. They are particularly vocal in opposition to universal health care, gun control and other policies that have been proven to work in Canada."

Lack of an actual degree in journalism: "This factor did was not considered as a valid indicator, as the lack of a journalism degree appears to be an actual requirement of most broadcast media organizations."

Canadian birthplace: Investigators did not include this as a factor, as they were unable to determine the birthplace of most media figures investigated. "So few people keep their birth certificates that this was also ruled out as a legitimate determining factor."

Current or prior residence within 100 miles of the Canadian Border: "Most of these media figures either live or have lived in the shadow of the "Cheese Curtain," under the thrall of the socialist-leaning Canadian government. Towns where these operatives have lived include Juneau, Alaska; Seattle, Everett and Bellingham, Washington; and Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota. Media members who have held rallies or other events in Canadian border towns such as Linden, Washington were under particular suspicion - large crowds distract law enforcement, and create opportunities for illegal immigrants to swarm in from Canada to steal U.S. jobs."

Fitting a Canadian ethnic profile - "Pale complexions, soft muscle tones, and participation in Canadian-style sports, such as snowmobiling, hunting, and ice fishing were prevalent among the Canadian operatives."

Operation American Poutine also investigated the possible use of secret codes, including code names, by operatives. "Some of these names seem to indicate a direct tie to Canada - names such as "Rush" or "Bachmann" evoke Canadian Rock. Others code names or phrases indicating a bias against the U.S. government are scrambled, indicating the clandestine nature of the infiltration: "de-scrambling Sarah Palin's name produces "Plain Haras[s ]. Ann Coulter's name de-scrambled is "Real Con Nut" - short for her code name, "Real Conspiracy Nut."

Perhaps most disturbing is the recently decoded band name, Ted Nugent and the Amboy Dukes. "I always wondered why Mr. Nugent selected such a boring name for an exciting band. The descrambling of this unassuming name reveals an ominous message: "Needed! My band gotta nuke th' U.S."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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