'Resistance is futile!' US Cyber Consequences Unit CEO Scott Borg warns Assange

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

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Who is the mysterious Borg Queen?

Washington AC/DC - (Seven of Nine Eleven Mess): The US government's anti-hacking Tsar has warned about dangers of straying into American diplomacy's equivalent of the Delta Quadrant.

"You will be assimilated, Mr Assange," Scott Borg said in a press statement this morning, "along with all your renegade Maquis chums."

Borg heads the US Cyber Consequences Unit, a not-for-profit government research institute reporting directly to the 'Borg Queen' - an entity whose ID is shrouded in secrecy.

Earlier this year WikiLeaks cable transcripts queried whether this 'Borg Queen' was in fact Obama ex-Chief of Stuff Rahm Emanuel.

The Chicago mayoral wannabe has always denied being head of the drones collective.

This week Illinois sources hinted broadly it could well be Valerie Jarrett, President Obama's Vulva Quadrant - er....Pubic Engagement and Intergovernmental Affairs! - gofer.

Another rumored Borg Queen contender is CIA director Leon Panetta - whose team is in charge of decryption of sub-space distress calls and other signals triggering listening post trip-wires.

The decoding of various CIA cloaking devices has been a bit of a Wikileaks coup and has shaken US government ministers to the core.

The biggest perceived threat of all, however, could be Assange's promise to expose what's been termed 'The Michelle Obama Anomaly'.

NASA cryptographers apparently once dubbed this as a massive 21st century black hole temporal distortion.

Last year the phenomenon was likened to a discarded Vulcan Pon Farr hormone pessary, fashioned on early Romulan viagra implants.

But these reports are largely unsubstantiated.

An update follows shortly.
Additional reporting from The Borg Queen Mudder's Holo-novel, circa 2009

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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