US Dusts Off Julius & Ethel Rosenberg Electric Chair For Wikileaks' Julian Assange

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Tuesday, 7 December 2010


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image for US Dusts Off Julius & Ethel Rosenberg Electric Chair For Wikileaks' Julian Assange
Get used to this view, f--ker.

Terrorism-abettor and accused rapist Julian Assange was arrested on a European arrest warrant in London monday, and spokespersons for the US State Department say that they will seek extradition to the US, where he will receive a fair trial, be convicted, and will face immediate execution in the electric chair used to murder spies Julius and Ethel Rosenberg in 1958.

"Oh, his ass is mine," said President Barack Obama, who has lashed out at the Wikileaks geek for exposing his birth certificate from a hospital in Nyang'oma Kogelo, Nyanza Province, Kenya. "Remember that scene in 'The Green Mile'? We're going to watch smoke rise from his head."

Swedish authorities have been forced by the CIA to charge Assange of one count of unlawful coercion, two counts of sexual molestation and one count of rape, all alleged to have been committed in August 2010, some lawyer with a goofy long, white wig said during a press conference.

Assange's arrest is the first step toward a Rosenbergesque railroading of a "journalist" who bought top-secret embassy cables and other documents from a low-level US Army computer expert and started leaking them online.

Following threats of nuclear reprisal, several companies, including Amazon, PayPal, and its DNS service provider, SpyDNS.web, has told Assange to f--k off. The site is now functioning mostly as series of mirrors, set up by sympathizers around the globe, but it's still leaking new secret cables on a daily basis.

"Mr. Assange is dealing with the charges alleged against him, and will be brought to justice in the United States as soon as possible," said Secretary of State Hilary Clinton, whose 1977 gender reassignment surgery was brought to international attention via Wikileaks. "And then he will be cooked like a skinned beagle in Michael Vick's backyard barbeque."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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