Wikileaks founder Julian Assange finally turned himself over to authorities after his credit cards were cancelled, he was turned out of his hidey hole for non payment of rent, and his condom sponsor "withdrew" further financial support due to 'breach of contract!'
The servile guttersnipe who made a living releasing formerly 'secret' documents found himself hoisted on his own petard, when the "little prick", as he was described in police reports filed in Sweden by two woman who claimed he "raped " them, resulted in an international arrest warrant.
The two women, who Assange met during a climate control meeting where he claimed "things just heated up out of control" said Assange, who they also described as a "dick head", either tampered with, or refused to use a condom as a matter of principal saying he wanted to keep the liaisons "completely transparent" due to the 'sensitive nature' of the encounters.
The charges followed soon after video clips of Assange's sexual exploits appeared on a popular social networking site, and were used in a penile enhancement advertisement depicting the 'before' condition of a hapless penis closely resembling that of John Gosselin in earlier releases by Spoof Reporter Abel Rodriquez who won an award for "Shortest Documentary" during the annual porn star convention in San Francisco.
Officials at the jail where Assange was held said that during a full body and cavity search an anal suppository labeled "Doomsday Shite" was discovered, and removed with forceps. The suppository is currently at Scotland Yard undergoing fingerprint analysis to see if Assange had any co-conspirators in what was described as 'an ever widening ARSE MESS' by senior State Department Officials.
Assange is currently being held in a high security area in the Tower of London while MI5 tries to vet potential female jailers who would not be prone to have sex with him, write him love letters, and video tape the encounters whilst being married with children.
Recent Sex scandals in the prison system are yet another embarrassing problem for Dave Cameron, although conjugal encounters with staff is staunchly endorsed by Human Rights advocate and co-captain of the Coalition, Nick Clegg.
While more charges are being contemplated from around the world including treason, blackmail, terrorism, sodomy and bestiality, Assange's future is still in doubt. He has been the target of hundreds of death threats, and as one law enforcement official said, " No matter where he winds up, I'm confidant the Bugger will get his in the end!"
