Paris Hilton, Laura Bush and Hillary Clinton to Train as Suicide Bombers

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Saturday, 30 July 2005

image for Paris Hilton, Laura Bush and Hillary Clinton to Train as Suicide Bombers
Paris looks forward to modelling a bomber belt

WASHINGTON-Three of America's top women notables have announced that they will train as suicide bombers "to teach those Muslim girls a thing or two" they indicated in a press statement.

"If they can blow themselves up, so can we," gushed Paris in an interview with Spoof. "I mean, we likely won't actually do it, but we can sure train to be suicide bombers and make the threat. I hope the bomber wrap is in good taste and haute couture. I look forward to modeling them on the runway."

The Pentagon has just launched a suicide bombing training school for U.S. soldiers on their way to fight in the illegal Iraq war to grab Iraqi oil reserves, which also helps prop up the sagging, hugely indebted U.S. economy and U.S. corporations like Halliburton with massive defense spending. To show their support for American soldiers who will be training as suicide bombers, Paris, Laura and Hillary promptly volunteered to be among the first graduates of the suicide bomber classes to be held at Fort Detrick, Maryland.

"Training to be a suicide bomber will show the world our resolve, and how much we value Iraqi oil for our SUVs," exclaimed Laura.

Leading American fashion houses in New York city are now consulting with Pentagon experts in order to design elegant bomber belts for the leading ladies, which will also be sold to the general public in next year's fashion season.

Yet Corporal Barry Buckle of the U.S. Army was less than enthusiastic at being volunteered for the first suicide bomber class arranged by the Pentagon.

"I mean, where are the pension benefits in suicide bombing?" he wondered. "I'm not sure that I really want to get involved in this, even though the army has promised my family $50,000 if I actually go through with it and blow myself up along with some Islamic insurgents."

Senator Hillary Clinton said that training to be a suicide bomber was now the patriotic duty of all American soldiers and citizens, and she thought that it would help her presidential bid in 2008.

"This is just another example of how much we value our free society," she stated. "Suicide bombing for democracy is a really great thing."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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