The TSA stunned the nation today by announcing that scanners and pat downs do not do enough to detect terrorist devices on flight passengers. Passengers must now completely disrobe in order to board a flight.
"We tried to come up with a better solution," TSA spokesperson, C.U. Ogleman commented. "There just isn't one. We have to have a way to know without a shadow of a doubt that someone isn't carrying anything that might endanger a flight. This is the only way."
When asked about the new regulation, passenger M. Barrest replied, "Well, I suppose TSA is going to have its way no matter what. But I don't really want to have to share what makes me a man right out there in the open with an entire flight."
"I too want to keep my private self private," remarked passenger Heidi Privatz.
TSA screener, Ben Dan Grabyuranklz commented, "Look. Which would you rather have? A bunch of people seeing your whatchamajinglies or be safe? I mean, for crying out loud, you can't have it both ways anymore."
TSA says that passengers may bring a 'snuggie' aboard a flight, but may only use it after they have stowed their baggage and have taken their seat. Time will be given for them to re-clothe before de-planing.
Says C.U. Ogleman, "You don't think we're completely heartless, do ya?"
