New Reality Show: Rachel Uchitel Private Dick!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 14 November 2010


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Hidden Bed Cams Used by "Rachel Uchitel: Private Dick!" Reality Show

Claiming she really liked being under the covers, former Tiger Woods lover and Party Organizer Rachel Uchitel is now about to earn her Private Investigator license from where else: California!

The 30 something femme fatale who reportedly scored $6-8M from Tiger to keep mum on his extra marital escapades, now lives comfortably in her $2m Park Avenue NY apartment, while spending time in her flat in Las Vegas, and sunning her fit body on the beach in Malibu.

Uchitel, who says she read everyone of Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer detective series books, says she's always wanted her own private dick.

Reflecting back to 9/11 when she lost her fiance in the Trade Towers, Rachel said she bounced from one lover to the next looking for validation when all she really wanted was one person to cherish and make babies with somewhere in suburbia, preferably in either Greenwich, CN, or Beverly Hills, CA., or possibly in Majorca or Cannes.

Although not bi lingual, Rachel is considered "cunning" and quite fluent in the language of love involving multiple participants according to former bed mates.

Uchitel says her experience working clubs where she made as much as $300,000 a year plus lavish tips catering to high profile athletes and political power brokers will help her in her Under Cover business of outing the cheating husbands of suspicious wives.

"I'm going world wide," said Rachel with pursed lips, " I'll have a working office in the UK at the Oasis Bar & Grill where I've got some great Brit friends who are bending over backwards to help me get started, and I'll have a presence in NYC, LA, Las Vegas, and South Carolina working under my good friend Inspector Morse's international Investigative License."

"Naturally, I can't do all the investigating myself, but Morse has hundreds of part time investigators, informants, some of who are even former underworld figures, all pledged to help me out. We should be global in less than a year, at which time we'll probably issue an IPO and go public!"

Uchitel would neither confirm or deny that her new reality show would be the lead in to "Late Night with Howard Stern", and only smiled when we read the following promo of the show by Robin Leach:

"Robin Leach: Good evening, I'm Robin Leach. The producers of "Rachel Uchitel, Private Dick" have asked me to explain tonight's episode.

Let me be frank - it is an attempt to boost ratings. There are many ways to do this: better scripts, more warmth and big-name guest stars. But, we're desperate. So on tonight's episode, we're gonna to rely on four sure-fire ratings grabbers: sex, violence, rock music, and, best of all, a cliffhanger ending that will keep our viewers glued to the edge of their seats until next season. Thus, ensuring there will be a next season. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. "

Insiders say the show will feature a revolving stage of low cost and as yet undiscovered writers who will deliver outrageous story lines, titillating sex, and erotic episodes all geared to showcase Rachel's inherent talents.

The kick off episode will feature an unexplained murder where a body is found half buried in a sand trap and the murder weapon, a bent 9 iron found miles away has fingerprints on it that lead to 23 suspects!

There are hints that several famous sports figures will be appearing in Cameo roles, although reluctantly, saying only, "I owe Rachel one and I don't have the $6m to pay up!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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