WASHINGTON: Phew! It was pretty scary for a while there. For 45 minutes last weekend the US was Clueless in the Capital. Turns out the world's greatest superpower had lost communication with nearly 50 intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles. That's almost 10% of its total arsenal.
Meanwhile, spin doctors quickly whirled and twirled; official hackers tried to break into the Pentagon's network and defence officials said that there was no chance of an accidental launch or foul play. Many fingers were crossed in hopes that the necessary links would be re-established.
Some right-leaning generals were even ready to set up prayer groups saying "If God can take time out of his busy day from running the world to listen to that crackpot Christine O'Donnell why would he not listen to our prayers? This is more serious".
President Obama's spokesperson refused to admit that somebody had lost the keys to the kingdom, saying it was a power failure that had led to a loss of communication between a control center and the missiles at F E Warren Air Force Base in Wyoming.
Luckily all was saved when Secretary Hillary Clinton discovered that she had accidentally switched handbags, thereby leaving all the crucial nuke-info in her everyday bag which was now lying somewhere in her messy bedroom closet.
Troops were dispatched, the bag was located and with it the secret communication codes which Hillary had surreptitiously printed on the back of a matchbook - [from a local Indian take-away]- which had been double-wrapped in used tissues and then slipped into a hidden pocket in the bottom of the purse.
"There was no threat to the public," said a defence official. "...it was protected by multiple, redundant safety security and control features," said another.
Campaigning for Dem incumbents Bill Clinton told adoring crowds:
"Ha-huh...you see how important Hilary is to this administration? Where would Obama be without her?"