Saying only "Our Oil Can't last forever," an oil cartel based in Dubai announced today it had bought up it's second iconic ski resort in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and announced plans to start drilling for oil and natural gas immediately.
"Life Time" pass holders at Wild Cat Mountain were notified by post card that from now on they would be treated just like all the rest of the Massachusetts Tourists flocking to the Mountain for a weekend of skiing and frolicking in the bars and night spots in nearby North Conway and be redirected to Laconia where some new 'bunny trails' were being built to accommodate
winter tourists.
The announcement follows the unheralded purchase last year of another popular ski and vacation resort, Attitash, located in nearby Glenn, NH.
Attitash, known for its free falling water slide and mountain side condos and private vacation homes, according to an investment spokesman, will now be home to the thousands of imported laborers brought in to set up the oil rigs and the underground pipeline for natural gas that will be eventually be routed to Chicago as part of the deal struck with Obama EPA Secretary Lisa Jackson and Transportation Czar Ray "the hood" LaHood in exchange for a free hand in exploiting the scenic mountains.
International interest in the area's real estate is spurring rapidly rising home and business sales, and there are rumours of new curry and kabob shops coming to busy RT.16 in North Conway 'very soon' along with a Burqa Boutique. Sandal shops are already in place, and have been popular for years supported by local vegetarians.
Employees at the mountains are concerned about the future as the area, outside of tourism and Pizza making, offers little opportunity.
One long time Ski Patrol worker, identified only as "Tex", 92, said the mountains were the only thing he knew, outside of being a tennis instructor in the off months. "I'll probably be forced to go to the bank and get a line of credit on my ski's and racquet,' he said morosely, "with the mountains gone, I'll probably be reduced to working in the woods harvesting limbs for cedar furniture.!"
Others were more upbeat, like long time Glen condo owner Jorge Bologna," hey, I think it's great...had this condo for 42 years, paid $32k, and it was appraised at $26k just last year, now I've got multiple offers on it up to $375k, and thats for CASH.....gotta love these A-Rabs...I'll have enough money now to move to Vermont and live off the land with my Boston Toll Takers Pension....is America Great...or what?"
A Boston Fence distributor and local homeowner identified only as "Abdul" said the purchase was good for business. "I just signed a $7.8B contract for razor wire and concrete buffering sound barriers to be installed around the mountain, as well as the town of Jackson....this is a great stimulus!"
Glen town officials also confirmed the building permit for a Mosque on scenic Jericho Road and a mono rail system linking Attitash to Wild Cat to facilitate
commuting for the workers.
Forbes Magazine will feature the area in their December issue citing it as the
"Fastest Growing Rural Area in the Northeast" and new retirement mecca and destination resort for "aging Arabs looking for a bargain who like to Snow Mobile!"
Marvin Hagler said he was moving back to Newark, NJ declaring, "I just don't think I'll feel safe sharing a pizza at the Oak Lea with a guy who just tied his camel outside and is wearing a tent.....!
