Ran Paul: "What Happens in College, Should Stay in College!"

Written by b kenneth mcgee

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

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Ran Paul, Tea Party candidate for the US Senate, broke his silence today on the accusations of his conduct while in college.

"Yes, I did some things while in college that were childlike. I admit that. But, when I was a child, I spoke as a child and sometimes acted as a child. These things are inconsequential now and have no meaning.

"Yes, at one time I was a communist, a socialist, a fascist, a sadist, a nudist, a Buddhist, an atheist, and a ventriloquist. Yes, I did torture and kill small animals, performed oral sex on the entire Cub Scout troop #39, and organized the Make Fun of a Cripple Day for my fraternity."

Paul insists that none of these acts were malicious or meant to harm in any way. When he graduated from college, he put aside these childish things and no longer spoke or acted as a child. He no longer did "ishy pooh things" and I has since never approved of anyone who does. He is a devout Christian and will not tolerate those who say he is a hypocrite: "Let he who gets stoned first, is what I say."

As for his walking off the stage in the recent debate with "that scumbag" Conway, Paul stated:

"I am a dentist. Dentists do not allow people to talk back to them. We get them in the chair. We put an entire tool box in their mouths, we slam in the Novocainm, and we talk. NO one talks back! They can't! That's what being a dentist is all about!"

Paul concluded, "Excuse me now. No questions! I am late for the annual Giant Midget Toss. You should see them little fellas scream! We call them," he chuckled,-------"the least of these!" ---

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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