Cell Phone Use Declines; Pay Phones Making Big Comeback

Written by Morgan Truce

Wednesday, 4 May 2005

image for Cell Phone Use Declines; Pay Phones Making Big Comeback
Coming back...

The cell phone industry has been hard hit by recent news of the dangers involved with the once-popular small personal phones. In all parts of the world, motorists are colliding with bridge abutments as they chit chat with their friends on the portable cell phones. While it's true that other drivers can use their cell phones to dial 9-1-1 to report the accident, a recent study has found that there are more collisions with bridge abutments than the good Samaritans who can report them. Several states have outlawed the use of hand held cell phones in cars.

"Cell phone rage" is now the #1 reason for the increase in homicide across the country. A frustrated supermarket shopper was arrested last week after she picked up her shopping cart and slammed it over the head of another shopper who was talking loudly into a cell phone. The deceased woman's husband reported that he heard her say, "Yes honey, now I'm in the Deli line..." just before the phone went dead.

A teenager was recently involved in a horrible accident when the batteries in his cell phone that he was carrying in his pocket suddenly exploded.


Local authorities are still trying
to gather up enough small pieces
so the family can have a decent funeral.

For many years there have been reports that excessive cell phone use might be linked to the growth of tumors in the brain. In Minnesota, one cell phone user showed up at his doctor's office complaining of severe headaches.


Doc, do you have any idea what might
have caused this?"

And it's not just physical hazards that have contributed to the decline of cell phones. Teenagers have been charging enormous amounts of money to their father's credit cards in order to obtain the latest ring tones.


"Oh, Julie, that ring tone is just so cool!"

Filling in the gap left by the declining cell phone market, the old fashioned phone booth is making a huge comeback - no need to carry around a dangerous cell phone when you can just step into a good old phone booth and carry on a phone conversation in private. Why, you can even sit down!

In Metropolis, Clark Kent, a mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet welcomes the return of the phone booth.


"It means a lot to me to have
phone booths located in all sorts
of strategic locations. You just
never know when you might
need to duck into oneā€¦"


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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