Written by K.C. Bell

Friday, 29 April 2005

image for Bush Withdraws Bolton Nomination
"Like cement, I'm here to stay. Maybe."

In an effort to bring peace to the Congress and Washington D.C., George W. Bush announced he will withdraw the name of John Bolton as Ambassador to the United Nations. Bush suggested Bolton would be better suited as a coach for the Oakland Raiders or Ambassador to North Korea, and instead submitted the name of Academy Award winning actor Robin Williams for the U.N. position. He pointed out the actor's vast experience with international relations witnessed in such films as `Good Morning Vietnam', `Moscow On the Hudson', and his intergalactic understanding from the television series `Mork & Mindy'. "What's not to like?"

Wearing his customary green eye shade and chewing on an unlit cigar, Vice President Dick Cheney was reported to have sucked in a room full of air, reached for the telephone, and ordered Laura Bush to stand by in the Oval Office.

Working on his acceptance speech in the other side of Washington D.C., John Bolton exploded like one of the Hanson brothers in the film Slap Shot. Setting aside his United Nations acceptance speech, `Third world countries listen up: You're a burden and you ain't my brother. Start producing stuff and get off our backs. If you got oil, we'll fight for you. If you don't, we won't.' After lacing up his General Schwarzkopf commando boots, flooring it across town, he drove a Hummer onto the White House lawn, stormed the west wing, made it into the Oval Office through the Monica Lewinsky side hall, and found Laura Bush standing in front of the President's desk.

"Where's that little weasel? Don't give me that hooey W isn't here. A promise is a promise and he isn't going to bail out on me for some fancy pants actor. I could understand being replaced by Meryl Streep or Leonardo de Caprio, but did he see Robin Williams in Spielberg's `Peter Pan' or Gilliam's `Adventures of Baron Munchausen'?"

"George isn't here." After Bolton marched out of the Oval Office through the French doors, stomping on the flowers in the Jackie Kennedy rose garden, Laura Bush said, "You can come out now, George."

Crawling from behind the J.F.K. Junior knee hole and dusting himself off, the President marveled with raised eyebrows, "Meryl Streep?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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