The US Food and Drug Administration, taking the unprecedented step of barring the manufacture and sale of a perfectly legal product, has banned the manufacture, sale or use of cereal variety packs.
" 'Big Cereal' has taken advantage of moms, value seekers and stoners alike, selling the so-called 'value packs'," said Supernintendo Chalmers, Executive Director of the FDA, "knowing full-well that they are a rip-off."
The FDA has taken this extreme measure based on results of a 6 year study, which stated that no consumer ever has finished an entire variety pack within 6 months of its purchase.
"They rope you in with the Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes in the front," said Chalmers. "But what's that sh-t in the back? Special K? Mueslix? I couldn't be high enough to eat those!"
The FDA study reveals that the uneaten cereal spent, on average, 6 to 10 years in the kitchen cabinet, and is usually disposed of in Hallowe'en baskets and food drives at work.
"By thw way, Kellogs, stop making Mueslix," said Chalmers. "And bring back Fruity Yummy Mummy with Monster Mallows! <Singing> Fruity Yummy Mummy makes your tummy feel yummy!"
