Bad News for Kids, Glenn Beck Advocates Spanking

Funny story written by Charpa93

Thursday, 8 July 2010

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Glenn Beck had his way, it would be more than okay for parents to take off their belts or tell their kids to "go find a switch" again in order to maintain authority in the home. Because to him, kids are out of control and we need to reel them back in.

Child psychologists disagree, saying that spanking leads to nothing more than more violence. Beck disagrees and claims most psychologists don't know what they are talking about. He's out to prove them wrong. "I got a doctorate that says I'm pretty much the authority when it comes to child psychology, or any other medical matters for that fact," claims Beck, referring to the honorary doctorate he got from Liberty University.

In fact, ever since Beck got the honorary degree, he's been dishing out advice, both psychological and otherwise even more often than before. "He's gone from political pundit to crusader for a righteous path for all US citizens who've lost their way and are traveling down what he refers to as the 'liberal highway to hell,'" says one leading child psychologist who advocates love over hate when rearing children. "Beck's whole premise that kids are turning out bad today because they get too much love and attention is really an over-compensation for his own inadequacy as an adult and his tendency to re-live his less than perfect childhood by begging parents to spank their kids. When those kids are getting spanked, Beck, to some degree, feels justified that it wasn't just him 'getting the switch' when he was young."

Beck claims it's not that complicated. "Sure, I had it rough as a kid. I had bullies and sometimes those bullies were the authority figures in my life. But look at me," he said. "Look at me and tell me I didn't turn out so bad. Seriously, I need you to look at me now and tell me I'm not a bad person, tell daddy he's not so bad, tell me or I'll give you a whack, tell me , tell me, uh huh, that's right, who's your bad boy now?" said Beck, trailing off into another thought pattern.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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