Super slim iPod nano powered by ‘magic'

Funny story written by Jack Loftus

Wednesday, 28 September 2005

image for Super slim iPod nano powered by ‘magic'
The devil comes in many forms, including modern art.

CUPERTINO, California - When Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs revealed his company's latest iPod to the world a few weeks ago, experts were immediately floored by the device's extremely small size.

The experts were skeptical of Jobs, who promised increased functionality in the iPod nano (as it is being called) all while shrinking down the technology contained inside by more than 50%.

The diminutive device was no larger than a pack of gum and was nowhere near as thick; a fact that lead some in the tech industry to suspect something was amiss with the new digital music gadget.

Today, it would seem, the experts have been proven right in their suspicions after an unnamed underground hacker club posted what appeared to be a broken open nano on their web site,

"Normal soldering tools and files allowed us to break open the casing of the nano, and what we found contained within was nothing short of amazing," the hacker n00bieTOastEr posted on the web site. "The thing was empty."

Indeed, photos posted alongside the manifesto show the nano casing open and the innards, or lack thereof for that matter, laid bare. Only a slight sparkle can be seen coating the inside of each half of the case.

"That's what we're calling the pixie dust; the stuff that makes this thing tick and the reason why Apple was able to make the nano."

The hacker also posted comments saying that he and a colleague thought they heard the laughing of small children when the nano was initially opened, but said they couldn't be sure because both had just smoked "a s**tload of hash."

Experts in the paranormal, including Dr. Felix Von Nostrum of the Potter Institute of Devilry and Magic, said Apple was thinking only with their wallets and now with their heads when the harnessed the power of witchcraft and sorcery for their new digital music player.

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of these players? Pixie dust is no longer a substance relocated to the realm of young children who fly and hate growing up - this stuff is dangerous!" he said.

Von Nostrum cautioned that unconfirmed reports of nano's taking over their user's minds via the headphones should not be dismissed so easily by those in power.

"This pixie dust stuff is deadly people, and should only be used for one thing: snorting; and then using the subsequent high to get a degree in devilry and magic."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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