Bush Sees Iraqi Democracy Spreading

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Tuesday, 8 February 2005

image for Bush Sees Iraqi Democracy Spreading

WASHINGTON DC. Under a large sign that read "Mission Accomplished", a smiling George Bush gave a jubilant speech, stating that fair an impartial elections had taken place, and Iraq is now a full-fledged Democracy. "Many of them did not want a democracy," he said, "but we are in a position to dictate to them what they need to be a free people."

Our new formula for bringing about democracy, is first to employ a massive bombing campaign, to destroy the infrastructure of the country. This is followed by an all-out invasion with troops and armoured vehicles, to destroy the will of the depots. Finally, we gradually rebuild the country, by picking the leaders who will help make a vibrant democracy, followed by a sustained US occupation, over many decades, to ensure that democracy prevails in the long-run.

"It works every time!" Bush beamed brightly. "First we leveled Afghanistan, picked its new leaders, and then employed our armed forces, over the long run, to see that Democracy prevailed. Now we have obliterated Iraq, and have assembled the leadership of its new democracy. Next, we plan to do Iran. After that, we plan to bring democracy to France and Germany. But we will not stop until we have brought democracy to every country in the world!"

Meanwhile, pentagon officials announced the release of a new weopon......The Q-Bomb....which destroys terrorists, and those who harbor them, but leaves oil wells standing. "Its very exciting...." said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. "Now we can wipe out entire nations, and start all over with democracies. No longer will we have to tell people, like little children, that they need a democracy. We can start all over, and populate these countries with people who share our values."

"We must bring the lessons of Democracy, that we have learned in Iraq, to the rest of the world", said Mr. Bush. "We have learned that for democracy to prevail, Law and Order must prevail. My good friend Vladimir Putin has found the same thing true in Russia. Mr. Putin has found that for Law and Order to prevail, there must be a responsible press. He calls this "Managed Democracy". We found this true in Iraq, also. We called it "Embedded Press", and it was absolutely essential for Democracy to prevail in Iraq."

Mr. Bush's mysterious relationship with Vladimir Putin apparently dates back many years to when, during the Cold War, Putin was a Soviet KGB officer, at a time when George Bush's father was director of the American CIA.

Because Putin's experience in bringing democracy to Russia matches our own experience in bringing democracy to Iraq, Bush has chosen to ask Vladimir Putin to help write the next version of the Patriot Act....to be called The Patriot Act III....to help strengthen democracy in America....by enforcing a responsible press....an Iraqi-style Managed Democracy. "If we add electronic voting machines, with no paper trail, that should make democracy very manageable, indeed!" Bush added.

Outside the Whitehouse, a group of 100 protestors held a candle-light vigil and unfurled a huge banner that read "Yee-Haw Is not a foreign policy!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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