Gay Prostitute Sticks it to George W. Bush

Written by Chuck Terzella

Sunday, 20 February 2005


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It Hurts So Good

The flap over the White House allowing James Guckert, the Gay Escort and Conservative Christian White House reporter formerly known as Jeff Gannon, into it's daily press briefings continues. It will be remembered that reporter really wishes that he was the first webzine to break this story weeks before anyone else, but didn't have a clue about it until he found it on like, fifty other sources on the web.

At any rate, Mr. Guckert/ Gannon, who apparently was also known by a variety of pseudonyms such as Sergeant Rock (Hard), Corporal Punishment, Captain Cum and Private Parts from his Gay Military Escort days, has spent the last weeks trying to convince anyone who will listen that he's actually a legitimate reporter and whose presence in the press conference was not only to feed softball questions to White House Press Secretaries Ari Fleischer, Scott Mc Clellen and even President Bush on the behalf of his employer, Talon News Service and, both owned by Texas Republican and major Bush supporter Bobby Eberle, but few are brain dead enough to buy it.

Mr. Gannon, or George Bush's Diddle Boy as this reporter prefers to call him, said in a published interview that, "People criticize me for being a Christian and having some questionable things in my past (but) I believe in a God of forgiveness." God, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "I don't care that the little sex toy is Gay; after all, I made him that way, but the fact that he's a hypocritical, lying Conservative Republican freak is what's gonna earn him the Honeymoon Suite in Hell."

The White House has repeatedly denied knowing about Mr. Cum's...uh, Gannon's past homosexual prostitution career or even worse, his ties to the Republican Party. Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " Of course the White House is scrupulous in it's vetting of reporters that are allowed into it's Press Briefings. We do extensive background checks to make sure that those given press passes do indeed belong to a legitimate news organization, whether or not it actually exists, and that they have no direct connection to any Democratic or Liberal affiliations. Mr. Gannon met those criteria and then some, since his boss gave some big time cash to George Bush. The fact the he was the Army's Rear Guard sort of did slip by us, I'll admit since most of our investigators were working overtime to find evidence that Hillary Clinton is a closet Lesbian."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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