Brooklyn Bridge to Join London Bridge in Arizona

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

image for Brooklyn Bridge to Join London Bridge in Arizona
Another Landmark says Bye Bye to Brooklyn

Falling into disrepair from lack of critical maintenance during these last 10 years of difficult economic times, New York's Mayor Bloomberg announced the sale of the bridge to a holding company based in Arizona. The proceeds will go to repair New York's other bridges and tunnels.

The historical bridge deconstruction will start this summer, 2010 and be shipped by truck piece by piece until fully reassembled over the U.S./Mexico border fence south of Sierra Vista, Arizona. Wealthy land developer and new owner of the bridge, Randy 'Red' Nekston says, "Why not charge our southern neighbors for a safe crossing before they get arrested without cause."

Though the new Arizona law has been declared unconstitutional by its opponents, some residents approve of Nekston's business decision. "It will be a boost to the local economy, bringing in both legal and illegal immigrant traffic to Sierra Vista. Local shop owners selling coffee, doughnuts and wrist-sized zip ties to the police and immigration authorities, will definitely benefit", says Wanda Seymore, owner of the Law Enforcement Supply Hut and Doughnut Emporium.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, who gave up her bid to become mayor of Milwaukee 10 years ago, lauds the acquisition of the Brooklyn Bridge. "It will be a great addition to our makeshift bridge culture here in Arizona, adding another attraction to pair with the London Bridge we stole, I mean bought in 1968. We love bridges here in Arizona, or anything that interrupts our view of the desert and the endless color of Taupe that surrounds us."

Builders on site for the reconstruction of the mighty Brooklyn have been avoiding reporters, though insiders claim that far too much earth is being removed from the site. One subcontractor known for tunnel building, was seen covering his face while entering the job site, though one temporary laborer was willing to talk. "There will be an alternate crossing option, if you know what I mean, eh?", said Nick Nukilcut, "$2.50 to cross over the bridge, $2500 to cross under it, you know, with quote unquote, legal paperwork".

"Some people claim that I'm trying to victimize our neighbors to the south, but I'm just a simple business man. And these tunnel claims are totally false", says Nekston. "I also intend to provide 130 full time maintenance and toll booth jobs after the bridge is built. All of them of course, with fresh and legal paperwork".

In a related story, Brooklyn residents continue to hold a candlelight vigil next to the base of the bridge in New York, hoping through some miracle that the bridge won't go and the Dodgers will come back home where they belong.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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