HARDIN KY (ABSNN) -- Bill Pilant, Grand Wizard Deluxe of the Hardin White Supremist Foreskinheads, LLC, led a group of sixty like-minded dickheads in a march to protest public Lesbian nude ballet which they termed "just a bunch of really ugly, fat chicks dancing nekkid in the city parks."
"This is just too much to bear," said Pilant, 42, of Pike County. "We saw these un-wumen dancing nekkid on the Public Access Channel--in the Hardin County Park. Hell, we couldn't even get a permit to hold a rally there. That ain't fair!"
Hardin County Constable, BallstotheWall Paul, father of Rand Paul, the Republican candidate for US Senate from Kentucky, agreed saying, "These are really good guys. I've eaten at many of their segregated diners, and I really think nekkid lesbians are a blot on our county, city and state."
Rand Paul said, "So long as niether group has to accept memberrs from other races (particularly the Democratic ones), I see no real harm. But damn, those wumen are uuuuggggllllyyyy!!!!"
Jose McCoy, a distant relative of Randall, famous for the Hatfield-McCoy fued of the 19th Century, told reporters, "I don't understand all the hub-bub. Shit, I've been a lesbian all my life. Just ask my wife!"
Some members of the community sided with the militant Lesbians, who were presenting the ballet The Nutcracker; some sided with the militant Forskinheads. Some shot themselves in protest. Many simply shook their heads.
Local area church leaders, generally siding with the Foreskinheads, told reporters, "We normally wouldn't have anything to do with either organization, but several of our congregation are members of the Foreskinheads, so, we had to bow to the pressure put on us by them."
Cheryl Cocklebury, leader of the Lesbian ballet told the press, "We pay taxes; we have a right to use the parks for our purposes."
No one was arrested on either side, mostly because, "no one wanted to look at the lesbians (other than the Foreskinheads) and nobody listends to those dumb bastards any damned way," said an unidentified officer at the scene.
