Susan Boyle fanatics were last night celebrating the launch of their new religion. All fanatics must now join the 'Church of the Previous Week Loonie Susanites.' Members of the church, known informally as 'Loonies', believe that the 'Big Red Scarf in the sky' will come down and transport them to a better world, where everyone is called Susan, everything is colored red, everyone loves each other, and SuBo music plays non-stop.
"Entry to the church is strictly controlled," said head of the church 'The High Loonie'. "You must own a red scarf, have a wealthy husband, pay a $25 joining fee, legally change your name to Susan, obey all our laws, not question anything we say, bless and pray for other members at every opportunity, deny the existence of New York, donate at least 95% of your income to the church, send a daily email to Susan's manager, visit Blackburn at least twice a year, buy at least five items a week from our Tacky Gift Shop, and send Susan at least ten gifts per year."
"Oh, Big Red Scarf! Take us to Susan, for she is our saviour!" prayed a couple of 'Loonies'.
"I have sold all my possessions and donated the money to the church!" beamed another 'Loonie'. "I won't need them anyway. The Big Red Scarf will be here soon to transport me off to SuBoLand!"
Meanwhile, Interplod were hunting several senior members of the church after a substantial amount of 'donations' went missing. "They were last seen boarding a plane to Rio, carrying large brown bags with black dollar signs on the side," said Chief Inspector Plod. "We consider them blessed and fanatical, and members of the public should not go near them," warned the inspector.
