Susan Boyle has recently given an interview in which she has clearly stated she WILL be available to help out Iceland. Iceland Shops, that is.
Susan recently heard about shoppers in Middlesbrough boycotting the Iceland shops because of the recent volcanic eruption in the 'country' of Iceland.
Susan said she will be hosting, as well as performing, at a meeting in Middlesbrough Town Hall at 7.00 p.m. on Saturday. She will be accompanied by the Head of the Geography Department from Teesside University.
All boycotters of Iceland are invited to attend a seminar on the differences between Iceland shops and Iceland the country.
It is believed that if Susan Boyle was not to be present, then NO-ONE would attend at all.
A huge screen is in place in order that boycotters have visuals to help them understand the basic differences between the country of Iceland and Iceland the shop.
A test will be given at the end of the seminar and it is hoped that shoppers who previously boycotted Icelands all over N.E. England, will now be flooding back to spend their welfare cheques once again.
It is believed that owners of Morrison shops, where the Iceland shoppers have recently been taking their business, will be picketing outside Middlesbrough Town Hall in protest against 'educating the ignorant'.
Morrisons stand to lose millions of pounds if these former Icleand shoppers return to their former shopping habits.
Riot police will also be deployed but this is not a result of the Morrison's protest but rather a necessary security precaution to keep the Red Scarf Brigade away from Susan Boyle.
It seems that every time she is to make an appearance, these fanatics come flying out of the woodwork with blessings galore. Some have begun foaming at the mouth at the mere mention of Subo's name.
Anyone attending the Town Hall Meeting is warned to be aware that these fanatics are armed (with blessings) and dangerous. If you are approached by one holding out a red scarf to you. DON'T TAKE THE BAIT...RUN LIKE HELL!
