Aging Cougar Manager Larry King, under pressure for striking out in the clutch lately, held a closed door team meeting with his wife, mistress, and 7 former wives to 'clear the air' in an effort to raise team morale, and stop his current slump at the plate!
In a get together labeled 'open and frank' by one of the former wives, Larry confessed his infidelity to current wife Shawn Southwick, with uber sis-babe Shannon, saying it was brought on by a moment of panic and and the unfounded belief he was suffering from erectile dysfunction, which was traced to over adjustment of his suspenders.
Shannon, for her part, shamefully admitted to a torrid affair with their sons' Little League Coach, only because Larry 'didn't send her flowers anymore which spilled over to his pistil not wanting to conjoin with her stamen' in an emotional and flowery speech.
Shannon also apologized for having sex in her marriage bed with her much younger lover, and said she had already thrown out the sheets involved in the love fests replacing them with new pink ones from Nieman Marcus, but was saving the pillows and pillow cases she used to prop up her ass, for 'sentimental reasons.' She could not explain how the sheets wound up on Ebay saying, "I think they belong to David Letterman."
Shawn, for her part, was said to have had a tearful hug with her sister, and said while she was not willing to give up her Mercedes 600 AMG, she was willing to limit her trysts with Larry to Saturday night in order to leave the 76 year old shagger 'with something left over' for her sister.
Larry's 7 former wives were on hand to encourage the reconciliation, mostly to ensure that the rumoured divorce wouldn't bankrupt the hunched back
toad and adversely affect their monthly alimony checks.
In a joint statement read to the public after the team meeting, and before the Cougars retook the field, King read an emotional statement to the waiting Press.
"After painful soul searching, a report from my cardiologist, my accountant, and my sex therapist, and with the loyal support of all my wives and close friends, it has been decided that for the good of the team, we will keep this current bump in the road to the Play Offs 'all in the family.'
"I hope you will respect my extended families' wishes for privacy during this trying moment as I try to pull 'the team' together, reclaim my position in the Net Work ratings, and regain my vigor whilst undergoing testosterone treatment."
Reporting on the emotional speech, Chris Matthews had tears in his eyes saying that the heartfelt pep talk 'sent chills up my legs, and curled the hair on my balls...Larry King...What a Mensch!"
