Beloved Grizzled Spoof Writer and War Veteran Frankie J Denies He is Oprah's Daddy!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 18 April 2010

image for Beloved Grizzled Spoof Writer and War Veteran Frankie J Denies He is Oprah's Daddy!
Frankie Confirms: I was not above shagging a snake...Oprah could be Mine!!!

Despite a deluge of requests for interviews and product endorsements, ailing Spoof Writer Frankie J vehemently denied today he is the long missing father of TV Diva Oprah Winfrey.

Reports from a number of international investigative magazines have attributed the not so immaculate conception of the gender neutral billionairess to an armed forces veteran and hero, Frankie J, vacationing in a VA hospital while recovering from a mild form of genital herpes.

"I've done a lot of bad dumb things in my time, "said the grizzled veteran, " but Oprah Winfrey is NOT the result of one of my alcohol lust fueled misadventures! At least I F******g well hope not!"

Said Frankie whilst being rubbed down with Vaseline Intensive Care by a doting Dutch nurse imported from the Nether regions(sic) Netherlands, "I f****** a Penguin once whilst up in the Antarctic...but it was ok because I had to stand behind the Priest who said it was God's will. I'm sure nothing resulted from that adventure because subsequent eggs she laid were all infertile!"

"Then there was that 'sheep' in New Zealand when we stopped for refueling.
Quite cute little bugger...but I can tell you fair, it tweren't any 'black sheep', so I know Oprah can't be considered kin."

The well traveled Navy Veteran continued to tick off a long list of conquests to an awe struck bed side contingent of 'service providers:

A ' sacred cow' in New Delhi with 'gigantic teats', the bare arsed monkey in Thailand sporting a Brazilian Wax, a Kangaroo he boxed into submission in Perth, and the Black Mamba that coiled sinuously around his thigh while on shore leave in Saigon.....

"Wait a minute mate," said Frankie, the light dawning as his eyes shown and the covers on his bed began to rise, "yer know...there was something about that deadly black snake that brings back memories. I had her fer about 4 weeks, kept her in me locker on board, and brought her out only 3 times a day to satisfy me urges.....funny thing, by the end of the four weeks she had gained about 150 pounds....do yer think...........?

More after Christie Alley weighs in on this heart warming story of lost paternity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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