London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Has the Tories' 'secret weapon' election script been ghost-written by an offshore domiciled tycoon who's just made a hefty donation from his burgeoning sperm bank?
The Camerons are having none of it and were hogging the limelight today with Sam Cam proudly showing off her nascent baby-bump to startled redtop reporters.
Rumors that it's nothing more than a phantom pregnancy sent the glam mother-of-two retching into her oversize snakeskin Kelly Bag where a bottle of Dr Foggarty's Patent Morning Sickness Remedy lay nestled against her iPhone.
By teatime Monday internet spreadbetting sites had taken over five million pounds from daft-as-a-brush mug punters betting on the birth of twins this autumn.
And a rejuvenated smug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug Dave Cameron was seen skipping merrily around Westmonster, looking pretty damned pleased with himself after pulling off what rivals have called a complete blinder.
The remake of the famous Anne Bancroft movie The Pumpkin Eater is scheduling auditions from April 1st.
