Glenn Beck Says Adam Lambert Is Not Really Gay, He Just Acts Gay

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 21 January 2010

image for Glenn Beck Says Adam Lambert Is Not Really Gay, He Just Acts Gay
Glenn Beck transmitting from the studios of KUNT Radio.

NEW YORK CITY - Glenn Beck has just published his latest book entitled, Arguing With My Uppity Self and Losing Half The Time.

It is a book that includes about 47 of Beck's most recent as-yet-unpublished or un-uttered ostentatious observations, grandiose pronouncements, supercilious reflections, and industrially puffed exemplifications.

One of Beck's more interesting reflected reflections appears in chapter three titled, I'm Not Homophobic, I'm Just Afraid of Elton John's Music.

Glenn the Hen reveals that he has finally gotten it. He now realizes what a lot of people, both Democrats and Republicans, do not know and that is that Adam Lambert is not really gay. It is just simply a financial ploy by Lambert and his brilliant management team to get the gay faction to buy his CDs.

Beck said that he had read in the gay publication Swish & Sway, which he subscribes to but immediately states that only for enlightenment reasons, that last years American Idol winner Kris Allen, only has about 7 or 8 gay fans.

Becky, as Sean Hannity and Anderson Cooper call him, said that when the Lambert folks heard about that, they immediately set out to do something to see that Lambert did not fall into that same rut.

So they devised a plan, that they called, Operation Sidesaddle. They told Lambert to start wearing more eye-shadow, and eye-liner. They also asked him to wear brighter red lipstick, and they even mandated that the first chance he got they wanted him to kiss another male on the lips.

Lambert asked if it could be Lance Bass, and his management team said that they did not care who it was just as long as he was convincing enough to fool the gay public.

Adam Lambert was performing in Flagstaff, Arizona, at The Mucho Mucho Sand Convention Center. Afterwards, he was asked backstage, if the rumor that he was not really gay was true.

Adam started laughing. He said that he is getting quite tired of always having to explain that he is in fact gay. He does not like girls, except for Lady Gaga, and we all know biologically exactly why he likes the "Gagster."

Lambert was asked to say something that will prove that he is in fact gay. He grinned and said that he likes pink socks. He owns seven Barbra Streisand albums, four Cher albums, and three Bette Midler albums.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: There you have it America...proof positive.]

He also revealed that he has a fantasy of taking a Caribbean cruise with Elton John, George Michaels, and Boy George, but not Clay Aiken.

In a related news story. One of England's largest bookstores, Blimey Books, has just stated that Glenn Beck's book 'Arguing With My Uppity Self and Losing Half The Time' has just surpassed Amy Winehouse's book, 'Ey, If Ya duzzn't Like's Me Tattoo's Den Dun't Friggin' Lookit 'Em.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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