Spoons, Washington - Spoons High School (SHS) students are divided over the school board's decision to pull the Merriam-Webster dictionary from classrooms after a complaint that the book contains material that is unsuitable for minors. According to Jennifer Handley's mother and Charlotte Wilbur's father, a high school biology teacher allowed his class to look up the term asexual reproduction.
The controversy has polarized the student body, with SHS pupils either joining the new student chapter of the ACLU or the Chastity Outreach group. The only student who remains unaffiliated is the self-professed virgin, Cherry Duck.
"My best friends, Alison Sullen and DaisyMae Kale are helping to organize a protest. But my boyfriend, Edgar Sullen and his best friend, Derek Jerrkie - who doesn't have a prayer of getting laid anyway, you know - joined the abstinence club, so I just don't know which way to swing," said Duck.
Meanwhile, Edgar Sullen is circulating a petition to have other salacious media, including Romeo and Juliet and Learning to Read with Dick and Jane, removed from public school libraries. A school board member, who declined to be identified, said that removing those books, instead of hiring a DJ for the junior prom, will save the community a thousand dollars.
