John Kerry Appoints Jayson Blair Media Advisor

Written by Rebut

Saturday, 25 September 2004

image for John Kerry Appoints Jayson Blair Media Advisor
Michael Moore is in charge of polemic....

Jayson Blair the disgraced former New York Times journalist who was sacked for making up stories as he went along, has been appointed as John Kerry's media advisor. This in turn occasioned a mad scramble by the media to find out why Kerry did it. "I'd Rather not respond to that question at this time" was all that's been forthcoming so far.

Blair has brought in two heavyweights in Stephen Glass, former writer for the New Republic and Janet Cooke previously of the Washington Post to bolster his staff. They join Dan Rather of CBS and Michael Moore a polemicist, who are already in the Kerry camp.

Their results were instantaneous, driving Kerry into the headlines almost from Day 1. A spokesman for George Bush was asked for his views of the new Kerry approach.

"Well first of all we would like to congratulate Senator Kerry on appointing so much talent and bringing it together under one roof. It is truly heart warming to see that the Senator has ignored the past in order to build for the future. Well done Senator Kerry, well done everyone on that one."

"Moving onto the campaigns launched in the media I would like to mention a few items. Firstly I never realised, until I read Jayson's article, how much the Washington Sniper impacted on this election. In fact none of us, the media or anyone else quite frankly had spotted it, so well done Jayson".

"Then I would like to be the first to praise Dan Rather and Stephen Glass on their piece entitled "Hack Heaven, Have We Been Bust, Hack Hack Hack". It combines all the ingenuity of fabrication with a steadfast refusal to own up. It really is a great work of fiction, passed off as a work of non-fiction under the guiding hand of Michael Moore. We appreciate that what was held out to be true, was actually polemic, once proof that it was all untrue was handed to you."

"I was also moved by Janet Cooke's story about that 8 year old Klingon boy who lives in Washington. Her insistence that Star Trek is based on a reality the Republicans have always refused to admit, is as much a credit to her as it is to Senator Kerry. Perhaps this time she will be allowed to keep her Pulitzer Prize and her job after writing an article. Janet deserves a break after the Washington Post. I just hope she has given the Senator her true academic background, which she forgot to give her previous employer last time out."

"In conclusion and as spokesman for President Bush, I would like to say how refreshing we find Senator Kerry's new media team. The president himself has asked me to point out to the media who feel the need to snigger every time they read out a Kerry media team item, that that is a sign of bad manners and quite frankly ugly. In particular that chap whose coffee came out through his nose during Janet's Klingon expose. A bit more decorum all round please."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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