Written by Rebut

Saturday, 4 September 2004

image for New York Yankees Neanderthal Shock
Never did trust those Yankees.....

While most experts agree that Neanderthals were an evolutionary dead end, becoming extinct around 30 000 years ago, new and significant information linking Neanderthals to the New York Yankees is set to light a fire under the scientific community. In 1983 for example, archeoligists discovered a fossil in a cave in the Middle East. They were able to extract a hyoid bone therefrom which proves that Neanderthals could speak. Think Henry Kissinger.

What is more important to the Yankees were the rough sketches of a baby with the word 'Ruth' next to it. Below that there was written 'Bambino'. The tie in to Babe Ruth is unmistakable.

Coincidental? Perhaps, if it had been a single occurence. It was anything but. On the wall of the cave was what appeared to be a note left by parents for their children. It read : "We R. Ruffing 1,526 it". Coincidence again? - too many, keep reading.

In the Neanderthal cave next to ours but just after Osama bin Ladens is the deluxe model, you know with bathroom en suite and nursery. It was in the kiddies section that a crude blackboard was found with "Mantle, Gehrig and Guidry" written in clear and unmistakable letters and drawn in pinstripes.

What is so hard to understand is that it had been generally accepted that Neanderthals never made it to the Americas. More worrying is the fact that even 30 000 years ago illegal asylum seekers were pouring into America, the Democratic Party finds it's roots go way way deeper than the Republicans and fat brainless morons may have had palatial New York apartments thousands of years ago. But moore about that another time.

The point is that the New York Yankees are living proof that the Neanderthal made it to the Americas, bred with the human species from which we claim to descend and Mayor Guiliani's crime clean up was a bigger achievement than we thought.

In the posh cave German paleontolgist Dr Gunther Yeast found another discovery. "Even zo ve are not sure if ze Neanderthal used ze club zere is a type of team rozter wis der heading "Highlanders". Below ze team is a note : "Please note we are moving to the Polo Grounds in about 31 903 years from now - dress warmly".

Dr Yeast rising to the task continued : "Und der vos an amazing incident not far from zis very cave. A Neanderthal named Loo Gehrig ate a sick monkey while at a dinner and bingo-like game. As a result of there being no toilets at the cave, he had to run home four times. In the cave there is a note - Loo Gehrig 4 home runs during one game".

As each incredible fact emerges one thing remains constant - the New York Yankees are somehow tied to the Neanderthals that became extinct 30 000 years ago. Despite the fact that, Henry Kissinger aside, the species died out long ago, there may well be proof that it did not in fact die out. They may have simply mutated and used their clubs for another purpose.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: New York, Fire

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