Tiger Woods Also Admits to Masturbating

Funny story written by NickFun

Friday, 4 December 2009

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Tiger Woods Also Admits to Masturbating
This woman claims she has never had sex with Tiger Woods.

In a candid interview this afternoon, #1 ranked golfer Tiger Woods admitted that when he's not bedding down with super models like Rachel Uchitel he has a tendency to masturbate.

"The pressure is overwhelming", Tiger revealed. "I have beautiful women knocking on my door all the time. Some of them have huge breasts and they come onto me. Usually I just wank it".

Woods also revealed that when Uchitel came onto him he was unable to resist the desire for sexual intercourse. "It was like having Venus herself come onto me. No mortal man could possibly resist her", he insisted.

Tiger said that when approached by nightclub marketing manager Kalika Moquin, 27 and cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, 24 he realized that he could have turned then away and masturbated. However, he gave into his lustful desires and had sex with the young ladies.

"If you had a choice between wanking it or having sex with beautiful women what would you do?" Woods asked a reporter. The reporter refused to answer.

Woods claimed that he was faithful to his wife Elin Nordegren until last year when the pressure became too great,

"Now I know why Adam ate that apple", Woods said in apparent reference to the Biblical characters of Adam and Eve. "When a gorgeous babe with huge knockers asks you do do something it's hard to say no".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more