Murray Lloyd, a local proctologist, was arrested early last evening in a 'rhoid rage' incident. Lloyd, 43, was released after posting bail on charges of vandalism, assault, and interference with official acts.
'Rhoid rage should not be confused with 'roid rage', said Barry Parks, a toxicologist who appeared at the scene. 'Roid rage is an uncontrollable state of anger that results from overuse of steroids, such as by body-builders', he said.
'In contrast, Lloyd is suffering from 'rhoid rage, which is an uncontrollable state of intense irritation that results from persistent inflammation of hemorrhoids.'
'His hemorrhoids were as big as bananas, and red as cherries', Parks said.
Police were called when Lloyd began lashing out at shoppers at the local mall, using a proctoscope like a bludgeon. He struck several police officers during the course of his arrest.
Barney Nothnagel, Lloyd's attorney, said that Lloyd would rely on 'rhoid rage' for his defense.