Gomer Pyle, a local fork lift truck driver was astonished when his doctor informed him that he was suffering from piles, or haemorrhoids, and gave him a sick note for a week, because piles are no laughing matter, as the doctor knew only too well, being a sufferer himself.
"I was gobsmacked," Pyle told us. "I had what felt like a bunch of grapes growing out of my arse, but I didn't think much of it. Then when the doctor told me it was piles, you could have knocked me over with a clover. I never thought this would happen to me. It really hurts. Especially when I'm sitting down fidgetting."
The medical profession, speaking as one voice, described piles as a painful condition, and advised the public not to get them.
"They make your arse hurt," Doctor Bleedyn Butt, a Welsh piles specialist told us. "You should always take your old mum's advice and never park your arse on cold surfaces."
Gomer Pyle is said to be responding well to treatment, although he'll never be the man he once was.
Sales of pile ointment have shot off the scale.
More pile related paraphernalia as we get it.