Written by Bureau

Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Richard Simmons Denies Having Severe Case Of Hemorrhoids!
"Equipment Of Torture" Claim Some

Exercise guru Richard Simmons on Oprah Thursday in a "Live Call-In", vehemently denied that he was suffering from hemorrhoids.

"I have some but I don't suffer from them" reported Simmons. In fact, I have fun with my hemorrhoids by talking to them while exercising. 'Get ready hemorrhoids, here's an Oldie that'll rub you raw!' Plus, they're certainly NOT severe!"

But friends say otherwise.

"He won't even wear those striped shorts anymore", stated one who asked not to be singled out because of the infamous Simmons' temper. "Please don't use my name as those exercises have made him like, one of Hollywood's biggest bullies. But the other day he forgot and wore the stripes and you could see the hemorrhoids hanging down his legs. I'd never seen anything like it. And, that's what he told me to say, 'I'd never seen them'."

Yet another acquaintance whom Simmons helped lose 275 pounds stated, "He deserves the things. He bullied me into nearly starving to death and forced me to 'Perform' on one of those Oldie videos or he'd beat me up. I hope they start hanging down to his knees, the sorry ****!!

Meanwhile during Simmons call to Oprah, a camera recorded him but he was not sitting down. He also shouted to some kid while cupping his hand over the phone that "I'm growing a tail, OK?" The kids family hurried him away before Simmons could stop and write down their car license plate number.

Oprah did ask Dr. Phil that IF Simmons had hemorrhoids that severe, what would be his advice?

But Dr. Phil simply stated, "Richard Simmons IS a Hemorrhoid!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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