LONDON, UK - Maggots may not have the miracle hemorrhoid healing properties that have been claimed, a UK study suggests. In a double blind study of 1,000,000 UK hemorrhoid suffers, maggot therapy actually increased the pain and itching of hemorrhoids.
Islanders chosen for the study had to be blind in both eyes because they were required to lie near each other on the ground, naked, near horse stables, in order to allow plenty of flies to lay eggs in the appropriate spots. Special specula were needed to hold open the area for access by the flies.
Each participant had to lie motionless for weeks as the flies, and resulting maggots, did their busy work on the hemorrhoids.
Only one subject actually improved with the therapy. His hemorrhoids actually shrank with the treatment by 22 percent! However, he was among the 356,275 subjects who died during the study.
The study was funded by the Royal Bank of Screw (RBS) who filmed the study and provided me with the details. The boxed video set, "Bad fly Bad fly, what's ya gonna do when they come for you, Bad fly, Bad fly" is available from RBS for 50 quid.
Unlike most studies, the participants had no choice about participation. If they were behind on their loans, they had to participate if called on by the bank.
Although the study was a flop, the boxed sets are selling like hotcakes. And, as Mr. Adbien SSaien explained to me, the bank got rid of a lot of bad 'assets' as well.
