Protestors Protest - Forget to Vote

Funny story written by John Carroll

Thursday, 9 September 2004

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The man who lost the election for both Bush and Kerry.

<Special Report From The Future>

In a surprising turn of events, neither George Bush nor John Kerry won the election. Despite a landslide of support on both the Presidential hopeful's sides, both of them failed to garner a single vote.

The most likely cause of this, as experts are now theorizing, is that the support of both George Bush and John Kerry were too busy protesting each other to actually remember to go out and vote.

"NO GEORGE BUSH! NO MORE HA-Er, what? The election's over?" Said one protestor when informed of the loss. The large pro-John Kerry group, which were marching infront of a known Republican supporter's business, let out a collective whine of dissapointment then went back home to watch some TV.

After the intial hay-day of trying to discover who actually did vote, a single voter was finally discovered in downstate Texas. The voter, a young college student attending the University of Texas, was reportedly "stoned out of his mind" when he voted.

So who did he vote for? The entire cast of Scooby Doo. At first the cast of the flop movie Scooby Doo 2: Monster's Unleashed were happy to claim the win, but were soon rejected the Presidency, on the grounds that the voter did not specify whether or not he meant the animated series or the movies.

Political analysts are already in an uproar, since, as most point out, even if he did mean the animated series they could not take office, since they're not actual people. "Besides," Said one particularly exasperated official, "There's so many series out there it's nearly impossible to tell which he meant. The New Adventures of Scooby Doo? The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo? There's no way of telling."

Protestors from both Republican and Democratic parties agreed that, if the series chosen was any that involved Scrappy Doo, they were ready to complain, picket, protest, and possibly even riot against the decision.

After several heated hours of debate, government officials have decided on how to determine who will actually win - A paper sack race between John Kerry and George Bush, which is scheduled to be held this Friday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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