Senator Kerry Goes After The Transvestite Vote With Eddie Izzard

Funny story written by Professor Jabo

Thursday, 29 July 2004

image for Senator Kerry Goes After The Transvestite Vote With Eddie Izzard
Kerry in Drag, on the right, and Transvestite Comedian Eddie Izzard

In a move to appeal to another minority group, Senator John Kerry has teamed up with Transvestite Comedian Eddie Izzard. The two will appear in a series of 13 live concerts to be held in various battleground states in the months after the Democratic Convention in Boston leading up to the Presidential Election in November.

Eddie Izzard is a very successful and widely liked performer in the U.S since his over the top performance on HBO cable TV in the states a few years ago. His intelligent, multilingual and humorous social commentary was very well received.

Senator Kerry is working on new material to bring to the stage with Eddie. Although generally considered non-humorous and wooden, often compared to Stan Laurel. Senator Kerry's aids say when he puts on a wig and a designer evening gown, a whole new Kerry emerges. Inhibitions go out the window and often the clothes follow. Aids contend the Senator is a surprisingly limber dancer when the clothes are off.

Kerry hopes his image as a transvestite will broaden his appeal to Democratic voters, the party most often associated with minorities in the U.S. This is a risky move since it clashes with the family values that have been a major theme in Kerry's campaign. He is clearly gambling that the Democratic voter's dislike of President Bush will keep traditional Democratic voters in line.

Senator Kerry will use the concerts to sign up founding members in the Transvestites for Kerry organization. He hopes to recruit 75,000+ transvestites who will campaign door to door for him in the key battleground states. A Director for the Transvestites for Kerry will be chosen. Aids say an extensive background check will be performed in order to avoid the debacle that occurred with Willard Frankenmeyer, former Director of the Clowns for Kerry.

Frankenmeyer had served as Director of the Clowns for Kerry for years but was removed from the position when he was charged as an accessory in the Michael Jackson child molestation case. These charges arose as a result of his employment at Jackson's Neverland ranch. In addition Frankenmeyer disclosed he was a transsexual and had previously been known as Martina Frankenmeyer. However, Kerry said he would still consider Frankenmeyer for the position of Ambassador to France if he was cleared of the charges or completes any sentence handed down by the courts.

As an alternative, Kerry is reported to be considering Jerry Lewis as a candidate for the Ambassador to France instead of Frankenmeyer.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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