Wellington, Fla - (Rutting): "Dispelling ingrained mythology about the Caucasian clitoris?
"Ranks as one of my greatest achievements!" latest Tiger Woods wannabe-mistress, forty-something South Florida dominatrix Theresa Rogers, said today.
"I devoted precious hours refining Tiger's oral techniques;" Rogers added, "sure needed takin in hand in preparation for marriage."
The mature blonde bombshell claims Tiger hired her to groom him in the trickier aspects of matrimony ahead of his 2005 wedding to Elin Nordegren.
"What the man needed was a damn short leash to lick him into shape. Call it a crash course in nuptial etiquette.
"Am I sad he blew it with Elin? I'm mad as hell he's wasted my precious advice.
"Gettin caught's a hazard of poor planning. You need the distraction of plentiful multiple orgasm to take a wife's attention away from little tell-tale signs.
"As for yellin out 'Rachel!' or 'Mindy!' or 'Kalika!' at the point of orgasm, just how tacky can a guy get?"