Obama Uses Fear of Gun Control Laws to Enact De Facto "Bullet Control"

Funny story written by Philip Moon

Monday, 14 December 2009

image for Obama Uses Fear of Gun Control Laws to Enact De Facto "Bullet Control"
In the time it takes you to read this the price of this gun will double

Washington, D.C.- Gun rights supporterss have been shocked by the release of an internal campaign memo showing Obama planned to restrict gun access through fear and free market principles. The memo, drawn up in early 2008 with the help of Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman, speculated that Obama's election would lead to a hording of guns and ammunition that would raise prices.

Drawing on previously reported information that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were draining ammo even from police departments Krugman speculated that an increase in demand could push prices high enough to restrict gun ownership to the level desired by advocates of gun control laws, but without the political implications.

"An unprecedented high demand, mixed with already low supply in ammo, long term will create the conditions speculated in Chris Rock's "Bullet Control" theorem, said Krugman.

Krugman also said the increase in hording would increase production, bringing more jobs to gun manufacturing states.

NRA spokesman Jarrod Bradford said the memos show that the President was as dedicated to taking away gun rights, even if by using his group's own prejudices and irrationalities instead of legislation.

"Under Obama's plan we've had a secret "gun paranoia tax" added to the purchase of guns and ammo. This means some of our poorest and most unstable members are suffering financially. Several have to choose between buying ammo or buying their psychiatric medications. That ain't right. That ain't America!" Bradford said.

Gun control advocates claim that this plan fails to achieve their wishes and in the end will simply flood the market with guns during the recession.

"The people going out and spending thousands of dollars on guns right now aren't the smartest and will spend beyond their means. We'll see them have to hock their guns and ammo for food and soon we'll be flooded with guns. This short term stimulus will come at a cost our children and grandchildren will have to bear," claims the Brady Campaign, an anti-gun organization.

Sources inside the Obama administration say that a "Cash for Carbines" program was in the works. Unlike the previous "Cash for Clunkers", it would simply use the gun buyback model to pay $40-$100 for guns that cost several times more, without encouraging buying more guns.

"We expect a "gun bubble" where prices crash after the market is saturated and gun owners put themselves deeply in debt. We'll swoop in and offer to buy back the guns. With current credit card interest rates and payment schedules we expect more guns turned in than were bought, making for a net drop in total guns," the source said.

The program would also include a "Cash for Cartridges" option where ammo could be bought cheap and distributed to police to ease the high cost of ammunition.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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