Written by Evan Essence

Friday, 27 August 2004

image for US Government Defaults on Debt, Bush Seeks Bailout

WALL STREET, NEW YORK - The Dow Jones was in free-fall Wednesday, as international investment firms lowered the credit worthiness of the US to the "Avoid Like the Plague" level. With no other options to pursue, the US Treasury Department announced, last night, that it was defaulting on the $7 trillion US national debt.

"Ah, Shucks...." George Bush commented, "We thought we could get away with adding more to the national debt. Reagan got away with it, when he quadrupled the national debt, as an economic stimulus. My father got away with it when he brought the debt up to $5 trillion. How could anyone know that just a few more trillion dollars would bring about such a catastrophe?"

More than a dozen stock investors, unable to cope with their lost fortunes, leaped to their deaths from skyscrapers in New York. Plans are underway to open soup lines in cities across the country.

President Bush has been appealing to the world's leading industrial nations, to try to asssemble a 'Coalition of the Willing' to offer emergency financial assistance to prop up the United States' rapidly crumbling infrastructure.

Leaders of Canada and 'Old Europe' so far, remain cool to the suggestion, stating that they have alot of problems of their own to deal with. However, the French have offered a 'relief package' of 300,000 gallons of Bordeaux wine.

George Bush will be making a non-stop shuttle trip, this week, to visit the leaders of the 28 remaining members of the original ‘Coalition of the Willing', the nations that had formally supported the US in its invasion of Iraq, to see if any if his old allies would be willing to help bail out the US in its time of need.

The allies he will be visiting to ask for financial assistance are: Afghanistan, Albania, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Colombia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, El Salvador, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Hungary, , South Korea, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, the Netherlands, Nicaragua, the Philippines, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, Spain, Turkey, United Kingdom and Uzbekistan.

"Most of these countries accepted massive amounts of aid from us, in exchange for endorsing our invasion of Iraq, so its only fair to expect that they will help us, when we are down and out" Colin Powell said.
Others have expressed more pessimistic views. They question whether El Salvador, Nicaragua and Colombia will continue to be beholden to the US, since US money for fighting the drug war will no longer be forthcoming. And impoverished Eastern Block countries, may not be able to come up with much assistance, since their fragile economies are no longer being propped up by US Aid.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: New York, Government

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