Alistair Campbell dumps Clinton UK TV interview

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 14 July 2004

image for Alistair Campbell dumps Clinton UK TV interview

London (Rioters) - TV chiefs reacted with dismay today at the news that ex-Blair spin doctor Alistair Campbell has dropped his forthcoming interview with Bill Clinton on live UK prime time following dismal British sales of his memoir "Mi Lai" that led to the biography being remaindered some ten days after publication.

A statement issued by Campbell's agents said: "It appears that the British book-buying public thinks that the former President of the United States is suffering from amnesia, and is voting with their wallets. Why, even the average Daily Mirror reader remembers more about the Whitewater business, the Rose Law firm and colorful character Vincenzo Fosterini than Mr Clinton does.

"As for Mr Clinton's brother Roger and Mrs Clinton's brother Hugh Rodham, their contribution to US politics during his administration make the term Macchiavellian sound positively complimentary. Treating them as also-rans gouges huge holes in American history and the book simply does not represent value for money if you divide the cover price by the total word count."

Meanwhile, Channel 4 Head of Light Entertainment reacted furiously: "We were promised a high-profile hagiography interview in line with out viewers' expectations. But now the book's been pulped even Campbell won't touch the interview with a barge poll despite our offer of adding an extra zero to the figure on the cheque for his fee.

"We asked around to see if Piers Morgan might take it on, or even Jonathan Aitken. Sadly, no one is available during this demanding holiday period."

Instead, viewers are to be offered an alternative prime time programme - a documentary of the UK Official State Visit of President George Bush Jr in November last year, with edited highlights of Laura and Cherie trawling London thrift shops looking for something to wear to the Reception, Mr Bush and Mr Blair making compassionate leave visits to 9/11 detainees in East London's maximum security facility HMP Belmarsh and the Queen's official guest of honor Abu Hamza addressing the State Banquet on the royal etiquette of dispensing with cutlery and eating with a hand-replacement hook.

A spokesman for Bill Clinton declined to comment on suggestions that the former President had been asked to return his UK publisher's advance and pay for his own hotel accommodation and hospitality expenses during the British leg of this promotional tour. "Bill's bills? Bill-off!", he saidd.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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